Being Over Fifty Isn't For Sissies and Other Truths

The truth is, being over fifty requires a well-developed sense of humor. There are so many advantages to growing older -- the wisdom, experience, freedom from older children who have flown the coop, but there are an equal number of challenges. The key to growing old gracefully is keeping your sense of humor intact because body and hormonal changes continue to show up with regularity and precision, and you just have to deal with them the best you can. A sense of humor about the whole thing comes in handy:

Here are some funny truths about being over fifty that I think you'll relate to:

Truth #1: Eyeliner can’t be applied while wearing reading glasses.

They haven’t invented eyeliner application glasses yet, so many of us are applying our eyeliner and eyeshadow blindly. There are some tricks to make it work. One is to use a liquid eyeliner and instead of drawing a line, just put a series of dots along your upper eye line. Make the dots as close together as you can – from far away it looks like a continuous line. Then there is the eyeglass reader trick: buy two inexpensive readers at the drugstore, pop out the left lens on one pair and the right lens on the other. Voila! Perfect eyeliner eyesight!

Truth #2: Your search for an anti-aging face cream can feel like a quest for the Holy Grail.

The youthful skin of our twenties – soft, clear, almost translucent – starts disappearing in our late twenties. As we get older, the skin tissue starts to sag, fine lines appear, and eventually turn into “railroad ties.” Nothing to do but try to slow it down. Aging is inevitable, but some anti-aging products actually work! You might try a product and it works for a while, then it doesn’t work anymore and you swear you’re not going to waste your money – until the next one comes around. We spend billions of dollars on anti-aging products every year, as the search for the Holy Grail of translucent, youthful skin continues. Email me directly if you'd like to know more about what I think works.

Truth #3: Comfortable, sexy shoes is an oxymoron.

Let’s be honest. Our feet hurt without ANY shoes on. The thought of finding a pair of shoes that fill the bill of being both sexy AND comfortable is another search for the Holy Grail. Okay, I’m exaggerating. There are shoe designers who understand that we have a host of foot ailments, like plantar fasciitis, bunions, corns, and ingrown toenails that drive us away from high heels. We refuse to squeeze our tootsies into a pair of sexy pumps even for 10 minutes. I remember when Oprah Winfrey admitted that the sexy high heels we saw her wearing while interviewing guests were donned at the last minute right before the cameras came on while she was seated. She would walk over to her chair barefoot! The truth is, if shoe manufacturers want to sell dressy shoes to baby boomers they have to make them both comfortable and sexy. Good luck! I know many of you ladies have said the heck with sexy, the pain is just too unbearable, and life is too short to be in pain all the time. But admit it, if someone invented a drop-dead gorgeous sexy high heel that made your feet feel like they were walking on a cloud, you’d buy them, wouldn’t you?

Truth #4: We wouldn't mind going back to the 40's style bathing suits.

Look how carefree these women looked in their suits. She didn't have to keep checking to make sure her buttocks was still covered, or whether she had a muffin top. Women wore the equivalent of a short dress in the water. How wonderful was that? The older I get the more I appreciate this bygone era fashion statement. On the other hand, when I go to the beach nowadays, I see women of all shapes, sizes and ages enjoying the sun and water seemingly without caring about how their bodies look. They're having too much fun!

Truth #5: Sports bras are bras, right?

The older I get, the shorter time I want to be pushed up and held in by a tight, underwire bra. In fact, I’ve given up underwires altogether because I heard the underwire isn't good for you, and this is leading me closer to the day I will wear exercise bras with all my outfits. Doesn't give you the best silhouette, but it's REALLY comfortable. Women may have been on to something in the 60's when they burned their bras.

Truth #6: We are envious of the woman whose hair turns gorgeously gray or white in her fifties.

I am so tired of coloring my hair, but alas, my hair is not turning gray/white in a beautiful, sexy way. So, I will continue to color it. I’m lucky, I suppose, because I color my hair blond so the gray doesn’t show as much. For those of you who have dark hair, you’re probably coloring your gray more often every year. I guess that’s when many women say that’s it, we’re done coloring, and whatever color it is, it is. Aren’t you so happy to see the older models sporting gray hair and looking sexy as hell?

FINAL TRUTH

You may feel invisible some days, but truly, you’re not. You’re a beautiful, talented, experienced woman who matters and who is sexy from head to toe – painful bunions and all. Let's all have a good laugh about it!

What are some of your funny truths about being over fifty? Please share in the Comments section below!